Thanks for stopping by All Recovery Rings.
The Way Out Podcast. I came to recovery after 20 years of denial, consequences, broken relationships, depression, anxiety, despair, and failure. Alcohol started out as feeling like the magic elixir that unlocked the true “me”. I felt free truly free for the first time since perhaps before my Mom was diagnosed with Cancer when I was 5 and ultimately passed away when I was 11. I had confidence with friends and girls. I was witty and charming, the guy everyone wanted to be around. My first drunk at age 15 nearly killed me; but all I wanted was to FEEL that way again and increasingly not feel like I did when I was sober. Drugs and alcohol became an instant obsession; they were not my problem, no, they were every bit my solution to my inability to live in my own skin and live life on life’s terms. Being sober meant a bobbing and weaving through waves of overwhelming emotion, fear, depression, anxiety, and feelings of deep and unconquerable inadequacy.
20 years of active addiction and alcoholism brought the end of countless relationships, 3 marriages, 3 DUI’s, 2 ill-fated experiences in 12 Step Programs, and a failed treatment stint. In short, I was increasingly miserable as the years wore on, and moments of happiness were increasingly fleeting and at the end true happiness was but a distant memory. I reached a point where many of us reach before making a change for the better. I couldn’t be sober for any substantial length of time because the truth of my disease would become undeniably apparent: sobriety was not for me. I became hostile toward everything and everyone. I became unbearably irritable. So irritable I couldn’t stand myself. So I would turn to the one thing that relieved all of that – alcohol. I would obsess about it until I couldn’t hold it off any longer. Just a few to take the edge off, which triggered the other truth about my disease. I can’t just have one. I drink until I’m drunk; every time. The relief it brought paled in comparison to what it brought when I was 20 years younger. It became so fleeting. It became all I had and the reason I was facing my third divorce. I was facing treatment for the 2nd time; not because I wanted to get sober, but because I didn’t want to get divorced. Again.
What happened next, I could have never predicted. I found myself in the treatment counselor’s office for my treatment intake balling like a baby; surrendering to this disease that plagued me for 20 years and being completely honest for the first time in my life about my alcoholism and addiction. That marked the beginning of meaningful and long-term recovery. I’ve been clean and sober since December 6th, 2014 thanks to the working of all 12 Steps to the best of my ability, the recovery community, my sponsor, and my daily recovery and self-care routine. There’re a few things I do on the daily that keep me on my spiritual and recovery game. I wake up and pray to a God I hardly comprehend and certainly can’t describe. I read morning mediations, and I try to stay connected to my Higher Power throughout the day. I work every day to align my actions and thoughts with the will of my Higher Power, which I believe is to be of maximum service to the God of My Understanding and the people around me in every situation, every day. “I wear my amazing All Recovery Rings, which was hand crafted out of a 12 Step recovery medallion by Mr. All Recovery Rings Christopher Lee Falck. I wear it every day and get all sorts of compliments on it! I pray at night, thanking my higher power for the day; no matter what kind of day it was.
My recovery ring reminds me of what I’m trying to be today; which is the best example of a recovery I can be!”